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posted by Horrorov Mandrogynosferatutu alias Orphic Nightmare on Saturday 6th of February 2021 03:21:46 PM

News Anchor: Well, it's been a very tense and serious past two months for fans the hottest band in the world, after a serious motorcycle accident left one of the band's members in a coma for two weeks and in critical condition for more than a month...but today it seems the fears and apprehension concerning the future of their heroes has been alleviated for fans of FIFTY SHADES OF PINK as the man they were most concerned about, lead singer Pinkus Pinkston the Third, released just two days ago from a Los Angeles Hospital held a press conference in Tokyo and it was just filled with good news for those same fans.....and our correspondent Brandon Kobayashi was there, so we are gonna take you now live to Tokyo and hear all the details folks...Brandon?!!! Brandon: Yes Steve Hello hi, can you hear me? Steve: Yes Brandon Loud and Clear. Brandon: Well Steve what an exciting and uplifting surprise, with surprises within the surprise it was for the fans who call themselves ONE PINK NATION. Now you set the stage for today perfectly as far as today's happening, but before I give all of you watching at home these details, I wanna take it back Steve, let's take it back... 25 Months Steve..twenty-five months. Twenty-Five months ago if I had asked almost any person on this planet what they thought of FIFTY SHADES OF one and I mean almost no one at all would have had the slightest clue what I was talking about and that is almost unimaginable just two years later. Yes twenty-five months ago, no one ever heard of the band and then twenty-four months ago the band released their debut album PARK THE PINK. The first week or so, there were critics bashing the band without even hearing their music, calling them a joke that would soon evaporate, much of that due to the fact that the band's album and tour were being funded by the massive wealth of who, yes our man, Pinkus Pinkston the Third, who is sole heir to PINKUS PINK CHIP STAMP FORTUNE. Well the common person was not paying attention to the haters Steve, because they were tapping their feet, stomping them, dancing and singing along as the band themselves hit the road on an incredibly grueling touring schedule that would soon give them reputations as legendary Road Warriors in their own right and very quickly FIFTY SHADES OF PINK were being played on every radio station in the world and blaring from the windows, vehicles and headsets of millions around the world. Then six months later in the midst of that never ending tour incredibly the band released their second and perhaps controversial album SEEING PINK SPIDERS.....on which the band strayed far onto the proverbial outer limits of their already incredibly unique and patented formula of influences, and once again some naysayers were loudly marking this the end of a flash in the pan, but the band and their hardcore fans were not listening to them as the tour continued round the world non-stop, the arenas sold out and the music continued to be played everywhere, all the time, the ONE PINK NATION growing and growing for another half a year and what came next? Just six months ago Steve, only eighteen months after the release of their debut, The SHADES released their third album, the incredible SINK THE PINK!!! The album that in just these past short six months has become the top selling album in the history of music!!! STEVE: Brandon, correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't one critic say it was the end all be all? Brandon: Yes, yes you are correct Steve, that would be famous Rolling Stone writer and critic NACHO BIZNEZZ who declared SINK THE PINK the album and FIFTY SHADES OF PINK the band , the ultimate and final evolution of recorded popular music. No one could have predicted such a horrible twist would occur in the excitement of this success! The dark chapter in this real life legend...two months ago, after finishing a performance in Las Vegas, with a show scheduled the next night in Dallas, Pinkus made the fateful decision to jump on a motorcycle and rush home to Los Angeles in the interest of spending just a couple hours with his beloved hairless Siamese cat TUSCADERO and that's when the horror happened, Pinkus was struck head on by a Tractor trailer , both the truck and Pinkus' bike estimated to be moving at speeds in excess of ninety miles an hour! Pinkus was airlifted barely clinging to life, he in fact flatlined twice while in transit to a Los Angles hospital and that's when the Doctors on the helicopter made the very serious and difficult decision to induce a coma in hopes of saving his life; The world was kept in a state of desperation, sadness, shock, weirdness and outrage over the week that followed as more details related to and surrounding the accident became public. It was learned that the truck driver was also seriously injured , his rig had flipped over off the road after the collision, initially all that was known was he was bleeding profusely and in danger of dying as well. Those first couple of days no one knew the details of his injuries and then a Los Angeles reporter who was at the scene of the accident, against the orders of Police published a story sharing all the unknown facts with the world. The reporter had witnessed police officers and emergency workers removing the remains of a third person, a woman, from the wreckage of the truck. OH, if there are any small children in our home audience, parents you might wanna um, you know, have them leave the room or distract them...this is very graphic and very adult... It was revealed in the newspaper story that the woman was indeed a prostitute that the driver had picked up in Los Angeles and that at the time of the collision she was providing oral "services" to the driver, this it was assumed was the reason he had swerved out of his own lane colliding with the motorcycle...his injuries...the severe bleeding was in fact the result of his member being severed from his body by the teeth of the woman. By the time he was able to communicate this to the attending physicians and police officers on the scene, the time they recovered his um...appendage? Well by that time it was too late, the tissue was how do I say it..? STEVE: His DICK WAS UNSALVAGABLE. (gasps followed by chuckles heard in the background of the newsroom} Brandon: STEVE!!! Steve: What? What the heck, in this? Why beat around the bush? What're they gonna do fire me? Brandon: Well a bad situation only grew worse after that as most of you know. Three days after the story with these facts broke, hundreds of SHADES fans swarmed the small Nevada hospital where the truck driver was being treated. They were there for revenge, they were there for blood and of course sadly they got it. The mob overwhelmed Sheriff's Deputies assigned to the watch, injuring several of them and then the mob dragged the truck driver from his bed into the parking lot and stomped him to death. Since then twenty seven people have been arrested and charged in this lynching, this murder, with the trial slated to begin late next summer. The horror didn't end with that by a long shot though did it Steve? We, well us... I'm sorry I'm getting a bit choked up Steve.. STEVE: That's okay my friend, take your time , sip some's okay buddy.. BRANDON: Yes..(sips water) yes well of course the Shades band members, Pinkus' family and friends......his tens of millions of fans.. me ..well we were all gently led to a place, told that there was little or no hope that Pinkus would live. And then what must be considered the worst of all in started, a couple the first day, seven the next......the suicides...those, mostly young people who chose o take their own lives rather than live in a world without one instance an entire family......the Father, the Mother and three children all took their own lives together. Police finding the bodies two days after they expired, with SINK THE PINK on repeat play still blaring from their stereo. In total fourteen hundred and sixty-three suicides in eleven days world-wide that were determined irrefutably as reactions to the situation with the apparent impending death of the beloved Rock Star, a darkness never seen before and I pray we never live to see repeat in our life time. To make matters even more disheartening rumors ran amok, rumors that The SHADES would be PINK SLIPPING PINKUS, replacing their leader and continuing on with the band without him. Thankfully that brings us to a better place in the story. Nothing short of miraculously, eleven days ago......Pinkus woke up, got out of his hospital bed and walked down the hallway to ask where everyone was. Two days ago he was released from that hospital and today Steve, he is in Tokyo with some answers and some big surprises. STEVE: Brandon, hold on one minute, because this is the perfect time for us to take a short break with a word from our sponsors and then we'll come back to you with all the details from today. Stay with us viewers, you won't wanna miss this. ******This Tokyo Report sponsored in part tonight by Pinkus' hand selected team of award winning stylists.... Halo, Choker and Glasses by CURELESS, Hair by DURA, Jacket by GABRIEL, Headress by CONTRAPTION, Horns by TENTACIO, Tattoo by NEFEKALUM, skin by HUMAN GLITCH, Ears by CERBERUS XING, Collar and Boots by ASTEROID BOX, Glove by HARO, Mask by BAMSE, Leggings by VISION(what? did I stutter, that's right he's wearing women's leggings just like his dear old Daddy used to), Guitar by VERSOV, Head by LELUTKA, Body by SIGNATURE, demented Brain and Twisted Back Story and Plot by this guy right here.

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