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Evie Mali - Flowers In Bloom

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posted by alias Ripbud on Monday 21st of April 2008 11:28:37 PM

Hi, I'm sorry I haven't updated all of you. Saturday turned out to be one of the most difficult days of our lives. I can't remember what I've written - so I apologize if some of this is redundant. And to Tooktook (Evie Mali's Aunt who is an English teacher) I apologize for the grammar. As you know on Friday night a small hole was found in Evie Mali's intestine. A wonderful doctor came to operate on her. At 2:14am the doctor called Rahpee's hospital room. Things seemed appeared to be going well. Saturday morning around 7am the phone rang again in the hospital room, we were told that her blood pressure was very low. Dr Stein was called back to reevaluate her. They believed that her stomach was bleeding internally. I believe that's where my last email ended - waiting for the doctor's evaluation. Anyway, Rahpee spent that morning with Evie Mali, talking to her by her bedside. Shortly there after I went down and spent time with her as well. Her blood pressure was still low but she still looked strong. Her nurse Lorilee spent the day with nearly no rest counteracting her body's reaction to the surgery. Rahpee and I returned to her room with her family standing by. I don't recall what time it was perhaps sometime after noon, but both doctors came up. Her main doctor explained to us about bleeding in the brain, of course I already knew pretty much what the four levels meant. Level 1 was minimum bleeding - level 4 represented severe bleeding - which of course means the brain has been damaged extensively. He went through the whole process of explaining where the damage was - and that the x-rays from earlier that night showed level 3 bleeding. They were currently waiting for new x-rays. They had held off on the operation on her stomach. My mind is a little scrambled so I can't recall what happened exactly next. What I do know is that my in my heart I was going to keep pushing the doctors to continue on. Level 3 bleeding would make her life very challenging, but I wanted to see our baby girl grow up. The doctors returned shortly there after - again explaining the bleeding in the brain. This time she was level 4. I glanced at Rahpee and I knew at that very instant we would tell them to continue on and expect a miracle to make things ok. Not so much for her, but for us. With the split second it took me to think that thought - he followed up that she was bleeding in the lower back of her brain. I'm not religious but I believe in God. At the point I know I was being given a sign to stop. We were being selfish. All I can remember from that point is that I asked the doctor if her little brain was broken and he nodded. And Dr Stein who had worked on her stomach asked me if I wanted him to continue with the operation to help her stomach. And I repeated "her little brain is broken?", and he nodded and I looked at Rahpee and then had to say "no". Rahpee cried out "no!" to the answer we both knew I had to give. Rahpee asked the doctor while crying "will she grow?" and the doctor responded with yes, but she won't be able to breath and the quality of her life would be very poor. The rest pretty much is a blur. This is so hard to write. I can hardly see between the tears. However, I know that there were a lot of people praying for our little girl Evie Mali. And I needed to send this out to so you would know in what way you made a difference in this world and for me to acknowledge I know Evie Mali will make a difference as well. So I'm going to finish this email, and I'm going to tell you what I know and what I believe to know and hopefully she will make a difference in your life everyday. After much crying, I spoke to the doctor and asked him to hold on to her for another day (until Sunday) mainly because I wouldn't be able to get Rahpee discharged until then. Saturday night we lie in her hospital bed cried and talked. As I think all people do in difficult times - I needed to know "why". Why, if all these great doctors and nurses that were placed before us did things not turn out how we so much wanted. What I found in my heart is this... She was here to visit us - to let us know who we would be as parents - Rahpee and I had great fears of becoming mother and father. Evie Mali also taught us about life - I've so long worried about dying that sometimes I forgot about living. In the 6 healthy days we had with her we shared with her moments we'll never forget. I saw her eyes open when her mama spoke to her. And only that one time did I ever see her eyes open and when they did they saw only her mother. Of course I was not denied a special moment as well. I saw her make a mean little face when I spoke - I'm sure she recognized her daddy's voice - the one that used to wake her up in the middle of the night so she would kick me in the ear while in her mama's tummy. We saw her stretch her legs, touch her ear when she slept, and hold her hands to her chest to calm herself like her daddy does. We saw her wiggle and lift her back up moving around until she was able to lay in the position she preferred, countering the nurses best intentions. We had all these wonderful moments, and she wasn't a weak sick little baby, she was just a stubborn little girl who knew exactly what she wanted and recognized her mommy and daddy. On Sunday afternoon after the family had time time to say goodbye to her. Lorilee - Evie Mali's nurse - helped us spend that last precious moments with our daughter. Lorilee also helped find a Father to baptize her on short notice. It didn't matter to me of what religion he was - I only knew that I wanted to give our little girl some kind of gift. Just one more way to show how much we love her. Regardless of my beliefs I needed to give all the gifts I could while we had her. Lorilee helped make that happen even after Rahpee's family were unable to find someone to do it. Just as before a person was put in her path or perhaps our path. She stayed stable in her mother's arms. We took turns holding her and told her how much we loved her and would miss her. Rahpee sang songs to her, that I had heard so many times throughout the house during her pregnancy. Rahpee gave Evie Mali a bath and dressed her so that she looked like a little angel. The nurses cried a little with us. And we said goodbye and kissed her on her sleeping head. I don't know how long we spent with her perhaps an hour. It was both the greatest and worst hour of our lives. We left our baby angel with another angel - Lorilee. I know some people might prefer to have there loved ones die in their arms, but for us Lorilee became an angel, and besides our family and ourselves - I can think of no other person who could send our daughter on her way, than a woman who felt our pain and did her best to help our daughter and comfort us. Lorilee who had worked so hard on Saturday to stabilize Evie Mali - would be the same angel who held Evie Mali in her arms until our baby girl went home. We didn't see her go to sleep, but I know that Lorilee held her ever so gently in her arms and gave her all our love. We are so honored for the people who were placed in our path and took care of our little girl and gave us the strength we didn't know we could have. R.N. Candace whose smile warmed us and watched over Evie Mali. R.N. Tamrin who watched over Evie Mali R.N. Joanne who watched over her when we couldn't. R.N. Margarita who watched over her and called attention to Evie Mali's tummy. And no doubt felt our pain. Dr. Pozin who quickly called in Dr. Stein for Evie Mali's tummy. Dr. Stein who did his best to make Evie Mali's stomach all better. Dr Vogt who did his best to help her little heart. Dr. Gangitano who would have done all he could to help her if he could. All the Doctors and nurses who from delivery room on Saturday April 12th 7:10 am until Sunday April 20th 7:15pm did their best to make Evie Mali's life the best possible. R.N Olivia who was tough on rahpee but cared deeply. R.N Alex who is an amazing nurse with two bull dogs. R.N. Rachel, Amy, Linda, and Lope who watched over Rahpee during the first week. R.N. and Angel Lorilee, who helped us in more ways than words can express. All the people who prayed for Evie Mali across the country we thank you so very much. I have a belief - be it right or wrong, that prayers do not change our paths. I dare not devalue your prayers but what I believe or at least in this case I would hold to be true: Your prayers were not unanswered, your prayers were never really meant for Evie Mali, but her loving parents, family, and friends. In that way all of your prayers were answered, and there should be no doubt in your hearts that while we all wanted Evie Mali's path to be a bit different, I know now that she had a much larger distance to cover than we could ever imagine. Not only was she meant to change our lives, but she was meant to change your life too. People at the hospital asked again and again how did she get her name. And so for all your prayers for her dear family - here is Evie Mali's gift for you. Her name "Evie" was thought of by her mother. When I looked up "Evie" it turned out to mean "Life" in Hebrew. Her name "Mali", was a derivative of her mother's name. (Rahpee's first name is actually Malinee). When I looked up "Mali" it turned up to mean "Flower" in Thai. We decided her first name would be Evie Mali (Life Flower). Last night after we came home from saying goodbye to our daughter, the roses in front of our house were in bloom. I didn't know how to write this email until I went back out this morning and saw how many perfect roses were in bloom. I love her name and the thought of it being forgotten was breaking my heart, but now I know that by sending this message out - I'm send out a gift from Evie Mali herself. From this day on I know there will not be a day when somewhere in the world there is not a flower in bloom, and when I see a flower I won't be able to not think about my daughter and how very special life is. Her short life meant a lot to us and I realize it meant a lot to so many other people I've never met. Her gift to you is her name. When you see a flower in bloom think of how special life is, how beautiful it is. And maybe just remember the beautiful little girl Evie Mali, who reminded us what's important. Thank you all again for your thoughts and prayers they helped change our lives. -Jeremy & Rahpee Enjoy the pictures, I think they speak for themselves.

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